Monday Morning Aural Sex: 2019-09-23 (Al’s Well That Ends Well Edition)

Motherfuckers and fuckermothers! Emoclew to the Al’s Well That Ends Well Edition of your and my favorite fuckin’ podcast, Monday Morning Aural Sex! This week I’m co-hosting this shit with a longtime friend of mine, Albert Fraser V, aka five, but his real last name is ForVendetta. Don’t tell anyone.


I met Al on a website I’ve occasionally talked about called True Achievements. We had a session to run through the co-op achievements on a game called N+, and we ended up having a great conversation. Later found out we lived within an hour of each other, so we decided to hang out and try to do some local co-op stuff on Guitar Hero 3. Local meaning not online, by the way. For those of you who aren’t too familiar with gaming terminology. Al’s a fuckin’ beast at Guitar Hero, so he helped me with some stuff I was stuck on, and I’m forever grateful for it.


Speaking of Guitar Hero, I’ve got a story for you motherfuckers. Never told this story on this podcast, so buckle up. So, a few years ago, Activision tried reviving the series with Guitar Hero Live. It was okay. Far from a revival, but a decent game. Unfortunately, the online portion had achievements that required long, LONG grinding to the tune of (see what I did there? hehe) 1,000,000 strums. You can actually do all the other online achievements and still only have about 130,000 strums logged. What this means is that you have to spend long, tedious fucking hours and hours playing the online portion long fucking after you’ve reached the max level and gotten all the score boosts, and literally all fuckin’ incentive to keep playing is stripped away.


Understandably, neither of us had much willpower to endure that fucking slog. Then, on which was indeed a dark fuckin’ day, we learned that the online portion of the game would be shut down due to song license expiration and shit. This wouldn’t concern most people, but we’re fucking achievement hunters, so we put ourselves through some horrendous fuckin’ torture sometimes to get achievements and hopefully even completions. Some of us are more completionistic than others (is that even a word? Fuck it, whatever.). Some of us just play and get whatever achievements we can. We’re both somewhere in between.


Back to the story, so we find out the online is going down. On True Achievements, someone posted a guide for that 1,000,000 strums achievement recommending using a reciprocating saw to automate the strumming. Seemed extreme, considering it required either the purchase or rental of a fucking power tool for the purpose of earning a worthless little achievement, but 10 minutes later, at the fucking hardware store…


We ended up only spending about $30-40 bucks, but still. I mean, now we have reciprocating saws in case anything around the house needs fucking sawing. Anyway, we laid the saws on some throw pillows, just high enough to sit over the guitars’ strum bars. Then, we wrapped the blades in electric tape along with a small T-shaped piece of cardboard just over the strum bars to facilitate the actual strumming. We also couldn’t leave the saws with the triggers down all the way, because they were too powerful, so we wrapped electric tape around the triggers tight enough to get them going, but only at about 20% power. Is this fucking ridiculous enough for you all yet?


Now, because we wanted that achievement on both the Xbox One AND the Xbox 360 versions, we decided to passively run two copies at once, and we actively worked on whichever other platform wasn’t being occupied. We actually had to temporarily evict my mom from the living room, for about 3 days. We checked on the setup every 30-40 minutes, and turned them off when we went to bed. We also had issues with the servers dropping us and having to set things up again, which made this whole process even more fun. Worst of all, holy fucking Christ, the noise… Men, women, boys and girls, do you have any idea the noise that a reciprocating saw makes? Let alone the noise that they make when they’re being run across a plastic strum bar? Holy jumping-jack fucksauce, that shit was phenomenally irritating. Anyway, we did get all of it done, and my shit got done just under the wire, so when I finally work up the stones to revisit the offline portion, I’ll be damn proud of those completions.


Anyway, back to the intro so we can actually start playing fucking music at some point. So, we’ve been hanging out regularly for about 4 years now, and we even took a cross-country road trip together. It’s a great friendship, and it’s funny that it was made through at least what I consider to be extraordinary circumstances. Plus, one of the reasons it’s great is that we have similar taste in music, which you’re all about to find out. We share awesome new music with each other pretty often, and that’s something I’ve always cherished about all my friendships, actually. If you show me something new that I love, you’ve got a permanent place in my heart, because I’m always searching for new stuff.


Anyway, this week’s tracks are made up of a bunch of stuff we want to play for each other, and for you, of course. I searched far and wide for my stuff, and I imagine Al did too. Much like I did with my roommate Josh’s co-host podcast, I’ll be alternating our picks one after another, until we have more of one than the other.


All that said, let’s chat a little bit about what we’ll be hearing. The older artists were chosen because I pretty much always listen to older music when I’m doing Lyft rides. It’s inoffensive for the most part, and I pretty much never get tired of it. It’s strange, because I’m not normally like that unless the tracks are particularly exceptional. I guess I just really fucking love old music? I’m okay with that. By the way, the Count Basie song, “Double-O,” was a must, because that’s my gaming nickname. I kinda hope I don’t ever have a girl call me Double-O in bed, but I’ve had way worse shit go down. Half-kidding, by the way.


Aaaanyway, moving on, Ashnikko is an awesome junk pop/hip-hop artist that Josh just showed me. Look out for that track. Catnapp is similar. I just found her through the collaboration with Otto Von Schirach. Very excellent stuff in her catalog. That Drugzilla album title, though… “Laugh? I Almost Swallowed My Window!” Amazing. Ghost of a Gentleman is a band that’s fronted by one of Al’s friends. We saw them perform around his town, and they did a great job. I could easily see them on a Life Is Strange soundtrack. Definitely good shit. Danger Zone is there because of our mutual fondness for Archer. Daaaanger Zoooone!


Mike Shinoda put out a solo album! Go check it out if you’re in the mood to be sad, or if you already feel sad about something! Excellent stuff, though, for real. Nostalghia is an artist you all need to listen to more. It is seriously your  own loss if you don’t. She’s fantastic. Otto Von Schirach is there because we’re seeing him on Friday! I haven’t seen that wacky motherfucker since 2012 when he toured with Atari Teenage Riot. One of the most fucking spectacular shows I’ve ever been to, by the way, and only $15, too.  The Venetian Snares tracks… Well, breakcore isn’t for everyone, so I guess I’m sorry if it’s not for you, ‘cause I think it’s fucking wonderful. The White Swan and Karkaos both have ties to Kittie. If you’re curious, fuckin’ ask me. I love those ladies somethin’ fierce. We’ll also be playing one of Al’s favorite tracks ever recorded, but I’m lettin’ that one be a surprise, even though now I probably fuckin’ ruined it.


That’s about it. I could blather fuckin’ on and on still, but it’s Al’s turn to do so.



01 Alter Bridge - Cry of Achilles (from Fortress) [00:06:52]


02 Neutral Milk Hotel - Two-Headed Boy (from In the Aeroplane Over the Sea) [00:13:20]


03 Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone (from Top Gun OST) [00:17:45]


04 Harley Poe - The Hearse Song (from Satan, Sex and No Regrets) [00:21:15]


05 Frank Zappa and The Mothers Of Invention - Hot Poop (from We’re Only In It For The Money) [00:23:56]


06 Frank Zappa and The Mothers Of Invention - What’s The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (from We’re Only In It For The Money) [00:24:21]


07 Harley Poe - Eat Shit and Die (from Have a Great Life.) [00:25:24]


08 The Exploited - (Fuck The) U.S.A. (from Totally Exploited - Best Of) [00:31:15]


09 Sylosis - Altered States Of Consciousness (from Edge Of The Earth) [00:34:31]


10 Catnapp - Down in the Basement (from Break) [00:39:48]


11 Architects - Holy Hell (from Holy Hell) [00:43:25]


12 Venetian Snares - Your Face When I Finally (from Your Face) [00:47:34]


13 KAWALA - Kept in the Dark (from Counting the Miles) [00:54:06]


14 Twiztid - V5 - strike (feat. Alla Xul Elu) (from Generation Nightmare) [00:57:33]


15 Al Di Meola - Race With Devil On Spanish Highway (from Elegant Gypsy) [01:01:00]


16 Karkaos - Kolossòs (from Children of the Void) [01:07:12]


17 Buckethead - Nottingham Lace (from Enter The Chicken) [01:11:26]


18 Count Basie - Double-O (from The Complete Atomic Basie) [01:17:58]


19 Buckethead - Whitewash (from Colma) [01:20:40]


20 Ashnikko, Raf Riley - Fuck Me In Shibuya (from Sass Pancakes) [01:25:17]


21 Architects - Red Hypergiant (from Lost Forever // Lost Together) [01:28:49]


22 Insane Clown Posse - My Fun House (from Ringmaster) [01:30:57]


23 Arctic Monkeys - Old Yellow Bricks (from Favourite Worst Nightmare) [01:35:55]


24 Otto Von Schirach - Subatomic Disco Divas (from Oozing Bass Spasms) [01:39:00]


25 Sylosis - A Dying Vine (from Monolith) [01:43:00]


26 Caro Emerald - Pack Up The Louie (Caravan Palace Remix) (from The Shocking Miss Emerald (The Remixes)) [01:48:49]


27 Brown Bird - Blood from the Tree (from Axis Mundi) [01:52:13]


28 Nostalghia - Little White Moment (from Imagō) [01:56:37]


29 Le Trio Joubran - Masâr (from Majâz) [02:01:17]


30 Venetian Snares - My Love Is A Bulldozer (from My Love Is A Bulldozer) [02:06:00]


31 Witchcraft - Democracy (from Legend) [02:11:05]


32 Curtis Mayfield - Freddie’s Dead (from Superfly) [02:14:47]


33 The Tallest Man On Earth - The Wild Hunt (from The Wild Hunt) [02:20:07]


34 FEVER 333 - ONE OF US (from STRENGTH IN NUMB333RS) [02:23:21]


35 Sylosis - Monolith (from Monolith) [02:26:42]


36 FantomenK - Dance of the incognizant (from FantomenK) [02:31:43]


37 The Tallest Man On Earth - Where Do My Bluebird Fly (from Shallow Grave) [02:38:45]


38 LARS - Rock n Roll (feat. Twiztid) (from Last American Rock Stars) [02:41:59]


39 KAWALA - Roads (from Counting the Miles) [02:45:27]


40 Mike Shinoda - Lift Off (feat. Chino Moreno and Machine Gun Kelly) (from Post Traumatic (Deluxe Version)) [02:49:27]


41 Ghost of a Gentleman - Street Signs (from Empty Room) [02:53:23]


42 Catnapp - Rattle Snake (feat. Otto Von Schirach) (from Rattle Snake) [02:57:02]


43 Ella Fitzgerald - It’s Only a Paper Moon (from Jazz Divas Vol. 1) [02:59:36]


44 The White Swan - Illuminate (from Anubis) [03:02:16]


45 Drugzilla - Why You Never Became a Dancer (from Laugh? I Almost Swallowed My Window!) [03:06:51]


46 Caravan Palace - Aftermath (from <|º_º|>) [03:09:41]


47 Mark Morton - Cross Off (feat. Chester Bennington) (from Cross Off) [03:12:37]


48 Stolen Babies - Filistata (from There Be Squabbles Ahead) [03:16:44]


49 Otto Von Schirach - Captive Earth People (from Captive Earth People) [03:20:00]


50 Sarah Vaughan - How High The Moon (from At Mister Kelly’s) [03:23:05]


51 Venetian Snares - 1000 Years (from My Love Is A Bulldozer) [03:26:03]


52 James Brown - King Heroin (from There It Is) [03:32:11]


53 grandson - Overdose (from a modern tragedy vol. 1) [03:36:04]


54 York, Steve Brian - Salida Del Sol (York’s Album Mix) (from Islanders) [03:39:52]


55 Mike Shinoda - Over Again (from Post Traumatic (Deluxe Version)) [03:46:31]


56 Neutral Milk Hotel - Two-Headed Boy Pt. 2 (from In the Aeroplane Over the Sea) [03:50:17]

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